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The Graduation

So, Holli graduated. After years of hard work and stress, she was finally able to accept her diploma AND to give a speech. When she heard that she was chosen to give a speech at graduation, we sorta joked that I was more of a writer, and that we could do what the President does on West Wing.

It was enticing, and then we thought, “Why not?” So, she gave me some ideas that she had, and she passed on previous speeches. She wanted a rough draft in a couple days. I toiled away at it, mentally. I finally, at 1am one morning, got something down on digital paper. It was a speech that, moments after I wrote it, I was proud of. The next morning I wasn’t.

Holli’s remarks made it clear that an almost complete rewrite was in order. My nickname of Miles “One-Draft” Rausch was dangerously close to being a sham. We were in Jersey’s, and I finally set to asking her questions that could help me get inside her mind. She wanted it to be mostly solemn with some comedy. She wanted to touch on certain topics. She definitely wanted no “Yo’ Mama” jokes, a pillar of the first speech.

So, with her encouragement and ideas, I set to writing again. I liked the general theme of “paying attention”, but it was really Holli’s ideas that I needed to express, not my own. This draft I got right. She made some additional changes to it and got to practicing it. But that wasn’t it. We made the decision to “fake out” the blogging masses. We decided that we’d both post fake speeches on the day of the speech, and I would post a video of the real speech later on. Holli posted the first draft, while I penned an entirely new version of the speech. It was a version that I knew Holli would have been horrified to give.

I did eventually post the actual speech, in video form. In retrospect, I should have titled it “The Graduation Speech” not “The Graduation”.

It was an interesting experience helping to write a speech for another person to give. You have to keep a lot of things in mind, including their sense of humor, their reading style, background, vocabulary, and personal experience.

P.S. Job search is still on. I’ll keep you updated.

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I Lost My Job

Morale was low, and geeks with low morale only ever think about World of Warcraft. That is, except for myself. I, of course, was spending my time thinking of ways to be a better almost-husband. It was Monday, December 3rd, and I got into the office a little late. The drive to Sioux Falls was getting worse and worse, and I was despising the job more and more. And yet, I was loyal. I was setting my stuff down when Mike walked in.

“You’re late, so you’re fired,” he mused, humorlessly, as he entered the room. I knew by the tone of his voice that he was serious. When Mike has particularly bad news, he tends to break it with a shocking pseudo-joke which he follows up with a “No, really.” statement. He’s always had a way with easing into bad news.

The Sioux Falls branch of The CERTUS Company (hereby dubbed Certastrophe) was being shut down, and we had all been laid off. This five-man massacre was following hot on the heels of a four-man culling that took place a couple months earlier. What it meant for the other branches of the company, and John Webster, himself, I knew not. Nor did I care. Looking around the room, no one looked surprised, but no one looked happy either.

I put everything that I’d brought or owned into a plastic bag, forgetting some things I had in the fridge, and I drove all the way back to Madison. It was a long trip. The first thing that happens when you lose your job is that everyone you tell apologizes for not knowing of any job openings or they give you advice. Which is nice if it’s your first unemployment (like mine) but would probably get old if I keep losing my job.

I did try getting unemployment insurance benefits, but that was a fiasco. I tried using the draconian website, created strictly for use with Windows and Internet Explorer, and when I got all done with it, it didn’t work. Instead of allowing me to resubmit the form to correct errors, they instead chose to mail me the problems and ask me to mail back the corrections. On top of that, I accidentally put my gender down as female. So, I hate unemployment insurance, and I never did get any money from the government.

I did finally get motivated to make a resume website, the design of which I’ve since become ashamed of, but the structure of which I’m very proud of. I’ll let you know how the job search is going later.

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Day 20: 2+2=5 (The Lukewarm)

Hail to the Thief (2003)

This song was a revival. Kid A and Amnesiac, while great, were claustrophobic and paranoid. As fans, we longed for a little taste of the old Radiohead: confident, a little bitter, and hard. This song announced a step back that way, but with a twist. This song really hit home for me when I watched a broadcast of their Glastonbury performance of it. The song begins a little comtemplative, a little soft, a little dull. Then with one sudden point, and a swift upstrum, the song erupts with everyone going a hundred miles an hour. Oh, what the heck.

Notable lyric: It’s the devil’s way now / There is no way out / You can scream & you can shout / It is too late now / Because / You have not been / paying attention

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Day 18: Nude

In Rainbows (2007)

This song has had a long life. It’s been played live for years, and they never found a suitable way to play it in the studio. It used to be called “Big Ideas (Don’t Get Any)”, but they went with the “scandalous” title “Nude”. I didn’t find it very singular live, but I’ve really taken to this studio track. It’s like an old blanket that you wash for the first time in ages. All warm and snuggly.

Notable lyric: So don’t get any big ideas / they’re not going to happen / You’ll go to hell for what your dirty mind is thinking

listen here

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The Graduation Speech

If you absolutely can’t wait, here is the speech for Holli’s graduation. Enjoy!

Two golfers were out on the course. One was an atheist, and one was a Christian. Before every swing, the Christian would say a small prayer. “Dear God,” was all he would say. Needless to say, his score was very low, and after the game, the atheist friend asked what his secret was. “Oh, it’s simple,” said the Christian. “I just prayed, ‘Dear God’, before every swing.” The atheist began laughing. “That can’t possibly be it!” he exclaimed. “Why not?” replied the Christian. “Because,” said the atheist, “I said [expletive deleted] before every swing I took, and it just made me worse!” “That,” said the Christian, “is because God hates you and won’t pay attention to anything you say or do!”

[ pause for laughter ]

Fellow graduates, esteemed faculty, loving family and friends, and those appreciated others who have come to see us off: I am immeasurably proud to be addressing the who-gives-a-[expletive deleted] graduating class of Dakota State University.

I’m sure going to miss this place. NOT! Just kidding. But, honestly, we’ve been here a long time. Who would-a thought, way back when, that we were ever going to graduate. We are merely seconds from walking across this stage and never looking back. It reminds me of how things used to be…

[ stroke chin and stare into space ]

My wonderful fiance likes to say, when we’re filming his Internet TV show, Newsbleep.com, that, “There are three types of people in the world: those who pay attention, those who don’t, and I don’t remember what the third type was.” It gets a laugh like 40% of the time.

What makes attention so special? Well, for one thing, I gave this speech to my kitchen last night, and I wasn’t nearly as nervous as I am now. I’m [expletive deleted] bricks out here! It’s not because this room is eleventy hundred times the size of my kitchen, it’s because, suddenly, a lot of people are paying attention. The “who” of “attention” matters greatly. If that sexy Johnny Depp was helping me give this speech, I wouldn’t need that “Yo’ Mama” joke to get your attention. Of course, all his sexiness didn’t save that shipwreck that was Pirates of the Caribbean III: At World’s End. Am I right?

[ pause for laughter ]

“Attention” is the “currency” of “respect”, and I think I’m ’bout all broke!

[ pause for laughter ]

Picture a lion tamer with a whip and a chair, as the stereotype goes. As he cracks the whip, the lions around him roar with hunger, eager to attack but fearful of his technique. They picture juicy man-steaks, eager to tear the tendons and muscles from his still beating heart, devouring him whole. Now picture those same lions, that same tamer, but the lions are lounging in the sun, yawning, tails flicking carelessly, lapping water. A lion tamer is worthless if the lions don’t give a [expletive deleted].

As graduates, we’ll be given special attention today: on this very stage moments from now, after the ceremony with our friends and family, and in every job interview for the rest of our lives. Being a college graduate is a privilege that carries with it responsibility. Whether we realize it or not, we will forever represent Dakota State University in our actions and our words from this day forward. We are now a product of the attention that we have given and received, paid out and invested, and hopefully that will show through as we march off this campus to our new futures.

The past is dead and gone. The future is hidden and mysterious. Today is right now and that’s why they call it the present, because it is a gift.

Thanks.

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Day 16: Fake Plastic Trees

The Bends (1995)

This is a story song. I don’t like the video for it. The video for Just has a good story, even if the song is a little lacking in that quality. This song has a good story, but the video was kinda lame. The guys riding around in shopping carts. What? *sigh* The song is great, though.

Notable lyric: But I can’t help the feeling / I could blow through the ceiling / If I just turn and run

listen here

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Day 15: Let Down

Ok Computer (1997)

Nothing seems more musically impressive, to me, than complicated rhythms. I always had the most fun in band with songs that had multiple key signatures. “1-2-3-4-1-2-3-1-2-3-4…” This song has a melody like that. It reminds me of the stars sparkling, how random it can seem. I started conceptualizing a music video for this song a long time ago. It was 3d. A little girl is left at a dock, I think. I might still have my sketches somewhere. There’s also this moment at the climax where Thom is singing two parts at the same time that gives me chills almost every time.

Notable lyric: You know, you know where you are with / you know where you are with / floor collapsing, falling / bouncing back and one day / (I’m gonna grow wings)

listen here